This is not home

“Rohit! You have to understand, this is not home.” said Aman as we discussed the constant paperwork that people from non-white countries have to do to stay in Madrid.

Even though most of my friends would skip these conversations like they skip youtube ads, I like them a lot. The conversations and not the ads. These conversations are a part of my daily life like sun-bathing for many.

Here Aman was referring to the fact that my permit will expire soon and how I should approach its renewal. I made a dejected face.

It is funny ; Even though I have lived here for more than three years now. I cannot call Madrid my home. Aman has been here for more than five and speaks perfect Spanish. He cannot either.

Then I asked myself, what can make this my home? The answer is not simple. Constant paperwork in a painful thing. Then there is otherness, rejection, and lack of a solid community. If only I had a solid community of other folks, it would feel better. Like meeting Aman lightens up things for me and I am sure it does for him as well.

But so, Why am I here? the question arose. Definitely not for money. The salaries in India are getting better even with the currency conversion. Then, maybe because of good work. I know, I can do the work I like to do here and it might be hard to get something like that in India. Plus, Chinese food is like really Chinese here. So, the quality of life is better.

So, I essentially it is the quality of work and quality of life for me. But even then, I do not call it home.

I am always 90 days away from deportation.

Then I met a new Irish colleague who lives in Berlin. He has been there for about five years. He calls it home now. Though, he speaks little german. Curious about his comment, I probed him. From our discussion it turned out he has a german partner and a great circle of mature friends who are always around. This community helps him stay in Berlin and creates a sense of belonging-ness for him. This makes him feel like home. Interesting, yet simple!

Maybe someday, I can be like him. Like he feels for Berlin, I can feel like that for Madrid. Maybe someday, I will change.. the city.. the profession… Maybe someday, I will be allowed.

But today, I will try my luck to get an appointment (cita previa) at the foreign office for a friend who needs one to get back home.

I will skip the remaining conversation.

Cheers !